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"No entertainment is so cheap as reading, nor any pleasure so lasting"
-Mary Wortley Montagu
-Mary Wortley Montagu
'Journals of Fire: Flight of Darkness'
I hate writing reviews like this, but unfortunately, it needs editing again and the book cover is not very appealing.
Let's begin with the mechanics. You know there's likely to be issues when the author bio has errors:
"...her dreams fo being a writer".
Then in the very opening paragraph there's this error:
"I still make was equates to...".
Also, capitalizations where there shouldn't be:
"Well...Let's do this".
Extra punctuation or incorrectly used punctuation:
"Before it's too late..." and "serious tone of his voice. Dracon was toying with me." (should be a comma in between, not a period).
Added words where there shouldn't be:
"I waved as an Marcus...".
Sentence structure issues which was due to missing punctuation:
"I opened my eyes slowly and blinked, I turned my head to look at my window according to how much light I guessed that it was late..." (Yes, that's precisely how it's written).
Missing words, such as:
"His family is going to this festival thing and he wanted me to with and I told him...". (Yikes!)
Why did I point out so many flaws? Because those flaws ruin the flow of a story making it a difficult read.
Although the story had potential, there wasn't any way to become invested in the characters because of two reasons: They weren't well written, and the chapters tended to be too short and abruptly ended.
For example, at the end of Chapter Two, she's talking about how Marcus has invited her to this festival. Her mom agrees to talk to the dad and Alicara is trying to maintain a grip on her excitement over this boy. She says to herself, "Get a grip Alicara" (no punctuation there?) and then writes the following: -- "Everything alright over here?" I heard from behind the window in front of my desk and beside my bed. -- THAT'S the end of the chapter, and it didn't even make sense.
Here's the clincher: the story has potential to be really good. The plot is interesting enough.
To this writer, I would say: please get an editor to review your work to catch all of the mistakes and possibly help to develop your characters better. Do that, and I'm certain that this could turn out to be a three-star book at the least.
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