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"No entertainment is so cheap as reading, nor any pleasure so lasting"
-Mary Wortley Montagu
-Mary Wortley Montagu
This is only book one of an eight-book series. This book is about 220 pages long, so not too short like most books I’ve seen recently that authors break up and sell piece-meal. The author did stop the book at a good break point, which could’ve just been a part of a bigger book, but if your book is really that good it should keep the attention of your audience whether it is 200 pages or 1000.
The reason I say that multiple books in the series could’ve just been parts of a single book is because of the redundancy and contradictions the author had put in this first book alone. Remove those and you’d have plenty of room to make one bigger book and move the story along at a better pace. Here are a couple examples from just the first couple of chapters:
Page 4/Location 42: Character says they’d rather die than become a captive of the enemy, but then literally the next line says that the thought of being trapped and used was enough to make them rip their hair and run screaming in horror. Choose one or the other to describe how this character feels.
Page 12/Location 187: The same character, a chapter or two later where their reflections are still taking place, says they don’t want to bring a child into their world, but then says they are mad that they are no longer able to have a family.
There were also some mechanical issues where the author misspelled a couple words or could have used better words, such as:
‘caused’ instead of causing
‘woman’s’ instead of women
‘…grief that shimmered’
and other parts that just didn’t make sense in the scene the author was writing:
Like the character saying ‘I see’ after an impassioned speech to another character, but the other character hadn’t even responded, so what was the ‘I see’ in response to?
Another character’s reason as to the start of a war and why they had waited so long to begin the fight with the enemy if they were supposedly so inferior and if that was the case how could the war have been time consuming and brutal?
Lastly, an attempt at a sensual scene that I couldn’t figure out what was going on initially until one character said ‘yes.’ Then I couldn’t figure out why this character had said ‘yes’ because the other character hadn’t done anything worth succumbing to.
So far, this short part of the story is different from the typical vampire story you read and is likeable enough to find out what happens next, if you don’t mind the aforementioned contradictions, redundancies and the potential questions that may go unanswered.
1/8 of the entire story
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