Clipped Narrative-Style Writing
The story was good. It had real potential to be great.
Here's where I had difficulty. The author wrote this a lot like a narrative. A lot of talking at the reader rather than using imagery or imagination to draw the reader into the story, thus there wasn't dialogue when perhaps there could've been. For example, during a stroll down memory lane, the author writes: '"I don't want some...lesbian staying in our house! Get...out!" I tried successfully to calm Samantha down, to rationalize with her. Later, she approached me. "It's either me or her. You choose." I chose Samantha.'
If the author could take the time to present us with Samantha's dialogue, why not just go ahead and write out that conversation, to give us more insight into the male character here? What dialogue there was tended to be unrealistic and stifled, which made me understand better why the author chose to narrate this work, like keeping notes in a personal journal. So, at times when there should have been more dialogue, there wasn't and when the author did include dialogue, it wasn't realistic.
Other than that, the story was actually a good one.
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